One man reaching..

So Halloween was fun. The kids got a kick out of the first house then Cooper melted down. Kaidan made it through the night without issue and had a blast, I think he liked running around with his uncles and aunt the most. Followed second by eating goodies at Vicki and Larry's. Cooper was so cute wearing his Dalmatian costume, the best part was his little tail. I could not believe he even left his hood on all night.


Until I got the call today from the HR rep from my new job I was afraid something would come up and take the opportunity away. There is no reason why to think that but I have been looking for three months and did not receive an offer yet. So when I got the call today I was told my orientation was going to be at 9 a.m. on Monday. Yippie back to the real world. I really as excited but I bet you could tell that by my repeated ramblings about the job. The ramblings could also be my nerves. We will see.


So tomorrow is Labors of Love. Labors of Love is a charity event put on by my church and coordinated by my mother in law and another woman from our church. My mother in law puts so much time into this event and it shows by the outcome and the money donated to the recipient. There is a craft sale, and a fabulous lunch that serves food prepared and donated by members of the church and a few outside companies. Today Kara and I helped do set up for the event. Now we have done this before but let me tell you today was so much easier then ever before. The loss of weight made the whole time so much easier and allowed for me to do more. During the day i spoke to a few people and I was talking about my weight loss and this incredible journey. They seemed really receptive and they continued to compliment me on how good I look. I even opened up and shared the story to them about the booth thoughts I wrote about a couple of days ago at the Coal Tower. That was a huge thing for me because sharing in this blog is easy because it is my thoughts, I have the computer to hide behind and I do not know who is reading it. Doing it in person is different because I am opening up to someone and seeing their reaction and have nothing to hide behind. It was just another note on how I am changing through my weight loss. So if you have a chance stop out and browse or at least have an awesome lunch it is from 9:30 to 4 tomorrow.

Until Tomorrow,
Night.

So my wedding ring is way to big and I can not wear it anymore without risking losing it. It was a cool wow. I feel like a pregnant woman because I am going to buy an interim ring to wear until I start to level off my weight. I am going to do so because I do not want to have my wedding ring resized twice in six months. I know the meaning behind the ring is the most important but I never want to lose the ring Kara gave me on our wedding day.


So here are the pumpkins Kaidan and I carved. I am so excited about trick or treating with Cooper and Kaidan tomorrow and seeing them all dressed up. I just hope Kara is feeling better. I know how much she will hate it if she is still feeling under the weather tomorrow.

Well until tomorrow night, I will post pics of the kids trick or treating.
Night

Welcome to the new look of the blog. Hope you like it.

Night

So today I had to get my finger prints done for my new job and my drug test. Per state regulations all employees in my field have to have a criminal background test done. The finger printing was easy for me but then came the drug test. That test was a little difficult for me. The reason: peeing on demand is not so easy anymore for me. The reason is I can not just slam fluids and be prepped for the test. I can only take in about 8 to 10 ounces of fluid an hour so i have to start prepping a few hours ahead of time. My appointment was for three o'clock and when I arrived I only gave a sample that was too small. So she gave me 30 minutes and when i came back I was able to give a quality sample. I was happy because now I do not have to go back tomorrow morning.


Just a few more lazy days before I start working. Now really my days are not really lazy with 2 boys under the age of 3. The reason I say lazy days is because I do not have the responsibility of a job currently. I am somewhat stressed about going to back to work but I am really really excited about it and I am getting organized for it. Today we were able to figure day care issues so I will not have any stress about that during work and Kara is now going to work 4 10 hour days so we do not have to worry about day care on Wednesday. A positive.


Today I went and saw a friend of mine who I saw on Friday. He told me that I look smaller today then I did on Friday and stated it was in my face so wasn't attributed to my clothes I was wearing. Another cool thing was when we ate breakfast out this morning (I had 2 eggs and some fruit) but I was worried about the size of the booth and when I got into it there was so much extra room in the booth, for a moment I was reverting back to the way things were when I was 338 pounds. So after I had thought about that wow I realized I am really living the mantra, eat to live not live to eat. Some of the proof is when going out to eat, my menu selection is different. I am looking for the healthy foods on the menu and not sausage gravy or corned beef hash. I used to think about going out to eat as a great thing but nowadays I would rather eat my meals at home because eating out just seems like a waste now a days. I have made many changes of late and am loving it. I was even having a conversation with my friend tonight about diets and healthy eating and I didn't feel like a poser because I am living what i am talking to him about.

Well have a great day.
Night

So today I got a job offer after 3 months of looking. It is a Program manager position with another agency in Rochester. This is pending my OMRDD approval and my license check. So hopefully I will be starting work at the start of next week. I am very much looking forward to getting back to real life. I am somewhat nervous about going back to work though because it has been 3 months since I have worked. I will keep you updated on what happens. I am excited though! Now the only difficult part is figuring out day care. It will all fall in place I am sure.


I am going to make Monday's my weight in days. I decided today to stop weighing myself everyday and make Monday's the day. I picked Monday's because I hope weighing myself after the weekend will help me keep any weekend cravings at bay. Also I hope that it will push me to do long weekend workouts so that they may turn the scale down a bit also. We will see hoe this plan works out and we will also see how many times I weight myself before Monday. Good Luck to me.

Talk to you tomorrow!

Night

So it has been a few days since I have posted and I am down 2 pounds. Now with the addition of the new diet I have not pushed the liquids as much as I should be but as of today I am back on the fluid horse. It has been difficult coming up with variety as I have started this phase but I have been eating well. There is a ton of variety I can have but when I think of having a meal the ideas seem to escape me. That is why I need to stay with planning the meals ahead of time and not making them on the fly. One nice thing is I am not having cravings for unhealthy foods. I have a bowl of cut pineapple and cucumbers in the fridge so when I am picking at food, it is on fruits and veggies. We even have ice cream and cookies in the house but I have not wanted any of it, not even a taste.


A nice wow this weekend is my belt doesn't fit me anymore. When I started this journey I was at the edge of having to buy a new one, it was tight and at the last holes. Now I still have to buy a new belt but because it is to big and since I have no ass I need one to hold my pants up. As for the ass comment many people have told me that I do not have one anymore. One friend even told me in a joke saying I had a fat ass and now I have none. This is another one of the nice problems to have.


So the big deal on Sunday was all about carving pumpkins with Kaidan. We carved two of them, the ones he calls mommy and daddy pumpkins(the big ones we have. It was such a cool thing to do because it has been years since I have done this. They both came out fairly well and Kaidan and I had a blast doing it.

I also got to the gym this weekend and had a great workout. I am looking forward to going tomorrow.

Night.

So I was released into the regular eating world. I able to get some foods that I haven't had in ages such as a fiber one bar and a few pretzels. I know the pretzels were not the greatest thing to have but I only had 2 of the small ones. So to accuratly track my new found intake I started a new food journal. I will track every thing that goes into my mouth will be tracked even if it does not make me happy to have to write it. I believe that will help keep me on the right path. We will see. Well have a great night. I will write more tomorrow night.

Night

Now this was my before pic, 79 pounds heavier then I am today.


The front View


The side View


I am feeling pretty good and now down a total of 79 pounds. It boggles my mind!!! Looking at my old picture, there are only a few because I hated myself in pictures, I am amazed by the loss. And then by mistake I put a pair of my old jeans that were tight before on today and they were huge on me. I couldn't believe that my thighs were so big that they filled up the legs. I must have been very good at lying to myself because I never believed I was that big. I knew I was fat but not that fat. Bad camera angles, poor fitting clothes but never was I as big as the pictures showed me. Well I was WAY wrong. Which is a another driving force in me not wanting to ever gain the weight back.

So tomorrow I am going to the surgeon's office and being set free on a regular diet. I am wondering what else they are going to say to me. I know there has to be something else. But I believe I am prepared for the next crucial step. I have food ready, now I just have to find out about the calories information. We will see what they have to say.

Well untill tomorrow have a beautiful life.
Night

Well i just want to notify all that Kaidan's surgery went well and he was even eating pizza tonight so he is getting by just fine. We were back in our house by 10:30 am. He is a resilient one, He never missed a step today. Kaidan was so brave and calm before the surgery in pre-op, he never got scared or started freaking out. I was so proud of him because I now Kara and I were like ducks on the water. We never showed to him we were nervous but under the surface our minds were racing. He even recovered quickly, which is one of the reasons we were home so early. Tonight he was even running around the grocery store with me playing like we were a train and race cars(while shopping, we don't just go and hang out at Wegmans). It was so cool just running and playing for the whole time and not worrying about sweating.



I also will have new pics of me taken tomorrow but here is one from the hospital today of Kaidan and I. Yes I know I need to shave. The smile on Kaidan's face was there because this was taken before the surgery. The last pictures I had done was 2 weeks ago and I had an extra 12 pounds on me. We will see what they have to offer the eyes.




As for my weight loss I am down another pound today which brings the total to 77 pounds gone forever. I am even into xl shirts and jackets with out any problem. Tonight i had to find an old xl fleece to wear to the store because all my jackets are way to big for me. Loving It! I still have a long way to go but this is a great feeling. When we were at Wegmans tonight I even bought food for my next step into the regular diet, which starts on Friday. There is now a lot of produce and healthy food at the Harmon household. I know that prepping the food is going to be an area where I have to be on top of so tomorrow I will be cutting up a lot of food and planning my first few days so I eat the right amount of food and get started on a good foot.

Well today I counted my blessings and am truely happy with my life.

Night.

So we arrived home late last night and it was very nice to be home. We all went to bed pretty quickly and slept later then usual this morning. When I weighted myself this morning I had only dropped 2 pounds since Friday. I was disappointed but I have to understand it is still two pounds which is great but I guess I had unrealistic goals. I also have to realize that I did drink some wine this weekend (not part of my approved diet), 3 glasses on Saturday night and 2 glasses on Sunday night so maybe that didn't help. The 3 glasses of wine I drank on Saturday were at dinner with Kara. We went to a restaurant that she loves in Lancaster. It was awesome. I had these scallops with sweet potatoes and an apple cider reduction, absolutely amazing!(another reason) Kara had a grilled Cesar and some excellent risotto. Now granted I was able to eat only 3 scallops but they rocked! But really at the restaurant I felt much better because I have lost so much weight so far. I didn't feel as if I was the elephant in the room vacuuming up my plate and five feet away from table because of my gut. A positive.




On Saturday in PA I decided to go hiking(photo from my hike). I hiked an area in the Mt Gretna area called Governor Dick. Kara and I talked about taking Kaidan up the trail with me and I decided to check it out first and if all went well i would bring Kaidan the next day. On the way up I went the difficult trails (I thought they were all the same, wrong). The whole time I was thinking that there is no way Kaidan can make it up. But on the way back down I found the easy trail. It was a nice stone laid trail that Kaidan could make it up. The next day we never made it to Gov Dick because we had a ton of other things going on so I took a three to four mile walk around Manheim. It was good cardio work so I couldn't complain and i loved every minute of it. It reminded me how much I do love the outdoors and that i need to get back out there and work my butt off because it makes my outlook on life so much better. When i was younger I would ride my mountain bike on single track, i would hike and play sports outside with people and it was so much fun and great exercise. I need to push that more.








Tomorrow morning Kaidan is having surgery on his lip. They are doing a lip revision which is a small surgery but it is surgery. It makes you think about how important your loved ones are to you and that even the smalls things make you worry so much. At times I want to protest the all the surgery's because it is purely cosmetic and does not change any functionality for his life but then I think and realize it will most likely make his life easier during the difficult times at school, and sometimes he does bit the excess and it does hurt him. Please say a prayer for him though. I love you bubbala(Kaidan) and munch(Cooper).



I lost 14 pounds from May 08 to my surgery on August 20th. From August 22nd to September 19th I lost 34 pounds. From September 20th to October 21st I lost 28 pounds. The total weight loss is 76 pounds to date. It is crazy to me that earlier this year I was carrying around the equivalent to this black lab in every move a made, getting up, walking, playing with my sons. It makes me feel very stupid for being so nervous about the surgery. The surgery is helping me become so much healthier and like I stated so many times before it will hopefully lead to a longer and better life.

I love my life and am so very lucky to have what I have. Count your blessings no matter how bad life gets and never forget what you have.

Night

So tomorrow is the first trip since surgery. I am looking forward to it but I am a little nervous. Test time! I am definitely excited about the trip and looking forward to hanging in PA for a weekend and seeing family but as I have said before I am worried about the food intake during travel and when I am there. We will see how it goes. The worst that can happen would is I will not eat by my diet guidlines and that would suck but I do not believe that will happen.

well if I can find a computer I will post but most likely I will not be able to.

Night

Just to let everyone know the time stamps are not always right. They reflect when I opened the post but not when I publish the post.

Night

So i have dropped 25 pounds since September 20th. What a fitting time to hit this spot because the poll I put up ends in a few hours. No more voting. So myself and someone else were correct. Back on point: This is a huge number and a large amount of rice. The total so far is 73 pounds since I started this journey. So if that wasn't enough of a WOW today, Kara, the boys and I went to the store today and I was able to get into a size xl shirt, which I can wear now and 38 waist pants which fit but not as well as I like so those I will wear in a week or two. This is a high for me. I am excited to get on the scale everyday and see the progress I am making. Even on the days I do not lose weight it makes me happy because I have worked for this tool and the work I am putting into my weight loss is making me so much healthier. As I prep myself for being able to eat any style foods next Friday I believe I have many of my worries taken care of, such as fast food, low protein foods, all the crappy foods I used to eat. I am looking forward to that time because I will be able to prove to myself if I am speaking the truth or if I am just lying to myself and all of you. I bet I am telling the truth though. We will find out.

Talk to you tomorrow,
Night.

Preface: I should have done this as my first post last month.
I used to eat and never think that the food would be there later. It wasn't That i believed the food fairies would come and take the food in the middle of the night, it was a just never thought that yes i can have this later or two days from now. It was the immediate gratification aspect that I focused on and that is something I am working on because if I do not have that under control, I will not be successful and all this effort was for not.


Now on to my daily info:


So today Cooper and I went for a walk where we live. Cooper only wanted to walk for the first half of the trip so I carried him the rest of the way. Now what i started to think after that point was that if I was carrying both my sons plus a gallon of water during the walk it would have been equivalent to what i used to weight and have to carry around on a daily basis. That was another realization of how much weight I have lost in such a short time. Even when I was putting clothes together to take to donations I found it amazing that I was wearing all these clothes just a month and a half ago. Kara was surprised that all those clothes that did not fit me any more and I had to remind her the amount of weight I have lost. I continue to tell my friend who just had the surgery how fast it will happen. I look back over the last month and a half to two months and it seems as if it was just yesterday I started on this adventure.


Later in the day I went to Wegmans and I grabbed a grocery basket. I used to never get them because I hated carrying them. They would rest up next to my body and I felt uncomfortable with that happening and it made me wider then I already was. A cart was safe because it somewhat hid me. Back on point; During carrying the basket around I noticed there was no rubbing of the basket on my clothes. Also I never felt my arm weaken due to the basket and I wasn't switching it from hand to hand as I used to. Plus I never worried about sweating by just carrying a basket. See even the little things I over analyze and find the positives out of it, the negatives also. I try to make sure to notice the little things that are changing because those things keep me motivated, It is only once in a while when there is a big wow moment.


Also I am down 2 lbs today. The picture is of two pounds of cookies, david's to be exact. When i was searching for a picture of something 2 pounds I found this but overlooked it because it wasn't appealing to me. Back a few months ago I would have wanted a cookie just by looking at the picture but now I can only think about how many calories and other things that are not good for you in it. Granted I know everything in moderation works but at this stage I am an all or nothing guy. It is something I have learned to work well with to transition into new things in my life. Of course I am going to have a sweet here or there but I always need to remind myself of the work that it has taken me to get to the point I am at, the surgery, the appointment, 6 months of time.

As i am finishing up my blog tonight I am watching The biggest Loser and they have this challenge, The person to eat the most calories would win the right to make up the new teams. When the total calories were read all i could think about was how much work it would take to burn them. And it reminds me everything in moderation.

Night

So as of today I am down 70 pounds total and 56 since 8/22/08. I am now more then half the way to my target weight of 199. Now I know the weight loss is going to slow in the coming months. It has already slowed some, From 8/22/08 to 9/19/08 I lost 34 pounds and from 9/20/08 till now 10/13/08 I have lost 22 pounds and I know I am not going to to lose another 12 in 6 days. But I have been watching my food intake and making sure I get my protein and have started having the vegetables I can eat during this stage. I have not run into many foods I can not tolerate. Recently I have been worried about how much I can eat but as I wrote last night I have found out that my mental stopping point is the right one. Tonight I was eating and realized that stop point at the last second. All went well but I found humor because I was eating extra green beans. To me that proved that I have not been writing lies. I am really making those healthy choices with my food. Cravings have decreased ten fold and the healthy living skills that I went over with my nutritionist have stuck. YIPPIE!!!!!!!



This weekend I am going to my wife's family reunion. I believe this will be a big test for me and my healthy eating choices. Whenever we would go to PA to see Kara's family we have always eaten well and I do not mean healthy. This is my first time back since the surgery so that is why I believe this will be a test. I want to take my mountain bike and push up bars with me so I can get some exercise when I am there to keep me focused on being healthy.

Well have fun everyone. Night.

We took Kaidan and Cooper to Powers farm market today. While taking pictures there I was squatting and bending to get angles on photos and it was so much easier to do then when I tried just 3 months ago. I was also more steady with the camera and was able to carry Kaidan for a few and not get winded. I am loving this new life I am coming into. Again I am finding myself more open when in public and not sheltering myself from others and worried about their thoughts. I like the direction my life is headed in.

Whenever I eat I have always known when I needed to stop. It is a mental warning, it isn't a physical warning. So tonight at dinner I ate a little more past my mental warning to find out if I was physically full. I did this because I was worried I am under eating. Well I found out my mental stopping point is correct and it is where I need to stop from now on. The result: I didn't stuff myself but I ate enough to become uncomfortable; a feeling I never want to feel again. Now for dinner we had Chicken Pot Pie (Not frozen but homemade Pot Pie), one of my favorite meals ever. I did not enjoy it that much tonight. I do not know if it was my obsession with food that made it so appealing and tasty to me but now since I have started to change my diet and really focus on losing weight I do not have desire to eat like I did before. The appeal of food is not nearly as strong as it once was. Yes I have a craving here or there but not the desire to eat crap food or eat all I can find. Before I could have eaten crap at every meal or over eaten with no worries for the most part and now I look at regular portions and wonder when I will or if I will ever be able to eat that at one sitting or look at portions that restaurants serve and think to myself that there is no way I could ever eat all that food. Well I am done. Night.

So a few of us went to the Scarecrow fest in Fairport today. The high point for Kaidan and Cooper were the fire trucks they were able to climb on and in. This is another situation where I have seen the impact of my weight loss on time with the kids. Holding Kaidan on my shoulders or carrying Cooper has become so much easier since I am down 68 pounds since I started this adventure. I know it might get old to hear but the impact on my life is so huge. I was more comfortable in a public setting because of the weight loss and that translated into my sons having more fun because I was not distant and preoccupied with worrying about what others are thinking about my size.(I still have a bunch to lose but not like I did before). This situation just reinforces the reasons why I have changed so much in my life and had this surgery.

Night.

So today started out well and continued in the same trend. I went in to fill out an application and ended up with a really good interview. The two positions I interviewed for are positions that I believe I can do with out much of a problem. Also the two interviewers were nice and we were able to have a good dialogue so it was enjoyable and I was set at ease. Also they liked my qualifications and my versatility. Now that I wrote about this interview and possible job I am sure it is going to fall apart and I will not receive an offer. Keep me in your prayers.

The rest of the day gave me time with Kara and a nice conversation with my neighbor who just got home. But then I picked the kids up and took Kaidan to the season opener for the Amerks. We only made it through the 1st period but I have to say Kaidan had a blast and we would have made it longer but we arrived an hour early and by the time the game started Kaid was already tired. It will definitely be something we will try later in the year but it did get his interest in ice skating even more amped up.

As for me I feel good and was down another pound today. I am taking my insane amount of meds and have been supplementing with a protein shake everyday I need one. Looking back over the month and a half since the surgery and the 8 months since I first went to the seminar this is the greatest decision I have made besides marring Kara and having my two children. But remember this decision will help me live a longer and healthier life most likely and enhance the decisions to marry Kara and have Kaidan and Cooper.

Smile everyone. Night.

So down another pound today and I have been focused on eating my meals. It has been easy for me to identify my cravings. When I am hungry I know I need to go get something to eat and when that happens I want to get something that is healthy. When I want that ice cream my wife is eating next to me or the snacks my sons are having, those are my cravings. They are very easy to identify, I just need to keep my resolve as high as it is now. If I continue with that it will make the journey much easier.

As for the gym I did not get there today but I did take the kids to the Zoo and completed about an hour of walking so i got my cardio in today. I do feel bad about not getting there and I feel that I let myself down by not going. Tomorrow before I pick the boys up from day care I am going to go to the gym for a while. I am going to to do 45 minutes of cardio on the elliptical and do both upper and lower body or the weights.

A positive today was I got a call from a potential employer and I have to go in tomorrow morning and fill out an app and talk to people about the position. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I need a job and I am so blessed by the fact that I have been able to spend so much time with Kaidan and Cooper but I feel like crap because I do not have a job and am not contributing as much to my family as I should be. I know it will work itself out but I just need to keep my moral up about the search.

Well I hope everyone has a good day. Night.

So after my post yesterday I realized I have not been to the gym this week and I need to get my ass there. Last week I went three times and swam with Kaidan once. This week I have not been there yet. So tomorrow I am hitting the gym. Nothing else much to say tonight. Night.

So here are picture of me taken today at 65 pounds down.

Me at my finest


A front view


And a side view


I can see the weight loss in my face but I still see the parts of my body that I do not like so seeing the pictures do help me see the loss.

So pics are up. I will post for real later.

So today I am down a total of 50 pounds from the day I arrived home from surgery! It doesn't sound huge to me because In the first month I dropped 34 pounds but then I think about it and I have dropped 16 pounds in the last 17 days so after taking all the info in my brain and processing it I realize that it really is a ton of weight. Keeping the picture in tune and rationalizing how much I am losing is amazing. Now I know many people are reading this and calling me names because of the weight I have lost but remember I was extremely overweight, I qualified for the surgery, I was fat! Also I have worked for 6 months prior to this surgery for my insurance to pay so I could have this TOOL for weight loss. Remember this is a tool and even though I have had this surgery it is very easy to regain the weight if I do not change my lifestyle. Also if I did not make the decision to work my but off to lose the weight I would be losing it much slower. I joined a web forum a while ago and have notice people who were larger then I and have lost their weight much slower then I have. I have read their stories and hear them talk about what food they are eating, the amount of food they are eating and how they are not exercising, That is not how they are going to lose the weight as quickly or reach their lowest possible healthy weight. You can not slack, you have to work very hard to do this. Just know every time I cook dinner for my kids or am around people who are making dinner for family I have to remind myself how damn good I feel and how damn good I will feel in a few more months and in another year.

On another note, I was talking to my neighbor who is having the surgery tomorrow afternoon. I was able to set his mind at ease somewhat and was able to let him know how much his life will change. He is more focused on life after surgery then I was, he knows that his life is going to change. That is a good point of view to have because if you have follow this blog I stated before I was never thinking about life after surgery, I was just wanting to make it through surgery. It made me very stressed and not enjoy the trip to surgery, I was always afraid something was going to happen. I just hope he knows the ride he is in for, because I didn't. I am surprised by the leaps and bounds my life is changing which makes me nervous about the future. I am worried that the leaps are going to get smaller, that I am taking for granted the changes in my life. It is an amazing trip that does so much for you, like a high. The reason I started this blog was so i could go back and remember the changes because I know I am not going to be able to recall the emotions I have during this journey. I do not want to forget the highs and lows. You learn from both.

Well today was slow and event less. Hung out at home most of the day and that is about it. But a high point is the weather has started to get colder here and I have gotten the fireplace cleaned and going. It is enjoyable to sit in front of it at night I just wish Kara was around to enjoy it also. But one of the greatest benefits of the fireplace is it does help supplement the heating aspect of the house.

As I continue to lose weight I have been donating a ton of clothes. Today while sorting clothes, I sorted out a few sweatshirts and pants for the shed. It is a great feeling to do but now I have to buy clothes for the interim. It is hard for me to spend the money on clothes I am only going to wear for a while. I know it is a stupid problem to be bitching about but a problem none the less. But I am lucky, I have dress clothes so if I find a job I will have clothes for work and not have to purchase any. I also have been buying universal clothes as I call them, athletic clothes, I can wear them to the gym, around the house and then also wear them out to the store. Lets face it I am a male, who cares what I wear to the store.

Night

Well today was fun. The family got up early and participated in the breast cancer walk in Rochester. It was a lot of fun and the kids did well even though Kaidan spent more then half of the time on my shoulders(which was a blast) and poor Cooper had to hang out in the stroller the whole time. When we arrived home everyone took a nap except myself, I watched the race and football. About a hour into watching t.v. I found out my brother in law was in Buffalo for work. After talking to Kara about it Kaidan and I took a trip up to hang out for a bit. The last time I saw Richard was back in May so it was nice to spend some time with him. So we decided to go to Duff's for wings. I had some excellent wings (3 total) and found out something important there. That my stomach does not like fried food even though I picked the meat off the wings and did not eat the skin. Well I guess I will learn what foods I will be able to handle as I go. Everything I have read says everyone is different and everyone has problems with different foods, but one thing most people have had problems with are fried foods. Yet again, live and learn.

Another thing that is Kind of cool is in the last 24 hours I have seen three people I have not seen in some time and all three were impressed with my weight loss. That makes the situation a little more real. Because when I look at myself I know I have loss weight because I can see it in my face, my clothes and I feel better but I still see all the extra weight I need to lose. I am my own worse critic. Well i am going to keep working hard and keep getting healthier. Night

So today was very productive. We were able to get a lot of work done around the outside of the house. Kara did get on my case about the amount of food I have been eating though. That is because she knows that the amount of food I been eating is still not as much as I am supposed/told to be eating. I have to say again that I am not trying to avoid eating, I am just have not been thinking about it which is probably a good thing; I have not been having hunger pangs. I would be more worried if my mind was constantly focused on food that I want to eat and the planing of the meals. But another goal of mine should be to find a happy medium so I remain healthly. But I am going to add at this point I have made sure to maintain my meds, fluid and protein intake. So much for tonight. Tomorrow I will explain the your lucky title.

First off thanks Kara for the PR. I love you baby.

Now I am going to preface this with I do not try to make excuses for what I did when I was younger (I stopped that many years ago). I know that if I made different decisions in my life I would not have done some of the things I did.

And now for my rant.

Well in true Mom fashion she lost it yesterday and is on her way to screwing up her life in Cali. For the last week she has been telling my sisters and myself that she needs recognition and has stated in so many words that anything that had happened since my father died was our own fault. Yes I made some bad decisions and should have done different things in my life but if she was around and not pushing me away and not having faulty priorities, then my life would have been different. But looking at it from a different perspective; I am so happy that I led the life I have because if she did not do the shit she did then I would not be married to Kara and not have a great life with 2 beautiful sons. My family puts the fun in dysfunctional!

Now for something on the lighter side.

I added a weight tracker to the bottom of the blog so you can follow my weight loss, since at this time the blog kind of revolves around how my life is changing and how my feeling, perceptions and experiences are effected through the weight loss. (Suggestion from Kris).

I am finding myself much more motivated to do more things. It is because I have more energy due to the fact I am not carting around the extra weight. Looking back I am so happy I made the decision to have the surgery. The changes so far have been immense! I remember a few months ago I was telling my neighbor how nervous I was about the surgery and he was telling me I was going to be fine. Even the day of the surgery I was so nervous the anesthesiologist asked me if I was excited for the future and I told him I hadn't thought of it because I was so scared of the surgery. I was very lucky also because my wife (Kara) is an Operating nurse at Highland hospital and was able to pick the surgical team (Thanks Fred, Kris and Maria) Plus I was even allowed to keep my underware; VIP Baby! (lol). I have to say I am glad I wasn't so paralyzed by fear I did not have the surgery. If I knew how good I would have felt just a month and a half out, I would never have been scared. Now today I was speaking to my neighbor, who is scheduled for Oct 8th, and he is getting nervous. I told him he would be fine as he told me but I wish people who are nervous about this surgery knew how good they would feel afterwards. I'm just a month and a half out and there has been such a change, it is enhancing my wife's, my children's and my life.

Just to let everyone know I may be playing with the look of the page till I find a look I really like. If you have any ideas please comment and tell me.

Today is the 20th anniversary of my father's death. It is scary and amazing to me that I have spent more years of my life mourning my father's death and celebrating his life and accomplishments then years I had with him when he was alive. He was a great man who was respected by many people but most importantly he was respected, loved and admired by all of his family. He was a true self made man who worked his way from a laborer to an owner and president of a successful construction company. He also cared more about his family then anyone else I have ever met. He always provided for his children and his wife and continued with the rest of his family, by blood or marriage. He was a brave man who taught me so much in the 11 short years I had with him. It is amazing that throughout my life I have met people who knew my father and they have always been able to tell me positive stories and memories about him. I can only hope to live a life that 20 years after I die people will still remember me and speak so highly of me. I hope to be the man, husband, father, brother, son, and everything else my father was. I will always miss you and always love you dad.

So I thought about it and to subside some of my cravings I started to look at nutritional information on restaurants. I was disgusted by the poor foods that I used to put into my body. The calorie counts, the fat content and so many other things. What makes me feel worse is I have fed my children that food! I need to teach them better then that, and is it really that much harder to prep a GOOD and HEALTHY meal then it is to grab crap food? I am becoming one of those food Nazi's I never wanted to be and I am now asking the question why did not want to become one? My fear of parting with crap food? I have to say now that the idea about being healthy, eating well, exercising and imparting that into my children is a great thought. I know there will be days I will not eat well such as holidays and such but I am very happy I am on the road to good health.

Well as for working out I made an appointment with a trainer for Friday at 3pm so we can come up with a quality plan to target the muscle groups I need to and to set reps and stuff to make the work outs the most effective. Also today was my first day lifting weights. The work out went well and I feel so much better after it.

I also go to see my PCP tomorrow morning and am going to speak to him about some of my concerns I am having with my health.